NEW

Hey Lord,

I'm not sure what to say about today. I was convicted intensely today...Lord I'm not sure what to think. I feel like such a slob. Ultimately belief is belief...and unbelief is unbelief...I want to pursue unbelief...and I want to pursue belief....

I find parts of Belief attractive...
I find parts of unbelief attractive....

I find them both unavoidable, and I find Christians weak. I find myself weak. I find myself selfish.
I desire something outside myself to help me become more than I am.

Jesus if you are willing take me...give me hope. Give me the hard decisions...whatever they may be.

I'm scared out of my mind of losing my parents. I'm scared out of my mind.
They're my security. They're my love. I can't think of anyone else who loves me so much. The rest of this world seems to want something from me...even Christians...but...my parents...they just love me...they've loved me since before I loved them. and I suppose that's how you are. please Lord bless them.

Bless Emily too. she's going through a rough time...let her know that I don't hate her. Be with Katie and Dani, and the other Emily tonight...Help Michelle out let her draw closer to you, as well as Ethan. I pray for the rest of the RA's including myself that we would come to see something of a truth about you. I want to believe...Lord...

Give me the tools that make faith...and an authentic one too. Jesus I read your book, but I just get frustrated. Anyway. I'm heading out...bed is now. Jesus. if you are there. please. please. please...do your will in my life.