idee' fixe [Obsession]

Music History has done me a great deal of good over the past two semester, and one of the better things it did was introduce me to Hector Berlioz (1803-1869). Berlioz wrote the "Symphonie Fantastique" (1830), which was the first symphony to have a story connected with it. Inside his programs he wrote out a brief explanation of what was happening during each movement of the symphony, 5 in all.

Not fighting any cliches, the symphony starts off with a man passionately yearning for a particular woman. In the next movement he is at a ball with her, and then he's in the countryside fearing that his love is unrequited. Out of fear of rejection the man tries to kill himself with an overdose of opium, but he fails in his attempts. Tormenting Nightmares are the only result of his overdose, and a "March to the Scaffold" ensues. In his dream he has killed his beloved and is watching his own execution. In the final movement the protagonist watches his funeral, as it is swarmed by ghouls and witches. Eventually, the woman he loved comes and joins in with the mockery that the evil beings are making of his death.

A particular theme within the music is attached to the woman that the protagonist loves, and that theme Berlioz refers to as the idee' fixe, meaning fixed idea or obsession. This theme appears in every movement of the symphony. Life changes dramatically for this man throughout each movement, but there is a consistency to what the protagonist chooses to turn to. His obsession leads him to this woman, but there's something that changes in the 5th movement.

In the 5th movement the dignity of the theme is lowered, and it is now distorted. There is a discernible sameness to the theme, but comparing it to earlier themes is like comparing disease with good health.

I've been thinking about my own obsessions...what has been there in every part of my life? How have those things changed? How have I restored them to clarity or distorted them? What do I hear in my head through all situations?

I am convinced in my heart that there is no greater purpose than that which God has signed upon your heart. God has given gifts to each and every one of us...they are best used to build his kingdom.

In the Lord's purpose I find peace and I find rest. Grief and pain were the retinues for the man who was tormented by the idee' fixe in Berlioz's symphony. The woman he turned to for fulfillment ruled him completely, and her theme turned into something evil towards the end...perhaps revealing true colors...perhaps revealing the evil that goes along with such an obsession.

So as this year comes to an end and summer picks up...what is going to be the idee' fixe or obsession that plays in your head? Is it going to be that of unrequited love like in the "Symphonie Fantastique" or perhaps something else?

Truly, I pray it be that of the Lord's calling. That as we are going through troubles and hardships...or good times...that we have the song of the Lord on our lips for His tune is mightier and more glorious than any symphony and more restful and peaceful than any lullaby. His song strikes fear into His enemies and draws thankful hearts to Him. He remains the same, steady, righteous and we are incapable of grasping all of the Lord's character, power or love, but as we walk through the different movements of our lives Christ's theme is revealed in a different and more glorious way.

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
1 Corinthians 13:12

It may appear that now Christ is Lord and at other times He is Savior, but truly He is both. As God fulfills His promise to be Yahweh, the covenant keeping God, He shows us new dimensions of His fulfillment in our lives. Berlioz's idee' fixe had variations and changes while staying the same, yet God will not have such a thing. God will have truth making Him fixed in what He has told us of Himself, but if our obsession is Him He will come alive throughout our trials and joys in ways that we may have known to be His, yet not fully grasped or understood before. It is a side-effect of our condition as sinful people that we are not able to fully know or understand the God of the universe. Parts of His glory are shown to us, but not the fullness yet.

Christ's ability to fulfill my life has shown me that He is the only appropriate obsession.