AHAHAHAHAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

What can I do?

How can I fight what my body wants to do?

JESUS JESUS JESUS!!!!

I know the answer, I know he Loves me from the bottom to the top of everything.

BUT WHEN WILL I LOVE HIM!

When will it happen I want to love him...I feel like crap right now...and I know I shouldn't cause....guilt is not what he wants...I want to know God....

I want to see his face...

I want his elegance to dazzle me...

I want this world to fade away...

I see now how beautiful Justice is...how beautiful it is for those who are wicked to receive what they deserve...

and I know that I deserve nothing...yet have been given everything!

My God I want you to anoint me...MY GOD I WANT YOU TO RESTORE ME!

MY feelings can't describe what I am...and my actions can't either...

my person is in Christ...but i can't accept that...I have to do something...because if someone can just be accepted by the state of their heart....then we're equal...

I can't accept that

have you ever had something so disgusting thrown in your face....

when really it's beautiful...that God Loves us all...and that his opinion won't change based on actions...but I've been raised such that this doesn't fit correctly....I have to be able to make someone like me...I have to be able...to be more important....isn't this how we're raised...isn't this what I work for....
acceptance...
for Love

we have to work on our relationships with God?

NO WE DON'T
He's LOVED us...do you even know what that means?

do you even know how to Love or what kind of thing this is....

no conditions...

1 corinthians 13

Love is patient love is kind it does not envy etc....it's so impossible..

unattainable without God....

i can't Love,

but i can love

I can't Love

they're completely different....

I wish for Joy....I wish for understanding...I wish for sleep.....

my heart my spirit my mind...my body...my thoughts my blood my skin it all yearns...

but hell if I know for what...

Plastic trees and Garbage bags..?

I'm yearning for more...I want more...of God...
I want more!
MORE!
MORE!

and there are times when I feel God and I know...and I hear him and he moves me...

BUT NOW!

he seems so non-existent..

But I must be still and know that he is God.

and like that...
It is well...

When I know...

When I am sure of it...and I know without a doubt I am...because of where I've come from...and where I've been and where I'm goin'...

there is such a difference...from now to then...

That being still has such immense power...

I was pissed at the beginning of this...but now I am well... :)

I can't explain it...

it's not simply defusing or channeling my anger...

I've done that....and usually...doesn't work...I've tried so many things to get to normal...but in perspective looking back...

all I needed was to know
that he is God... :)

I can't describe it...I'm in shock myself... :)

I was trying to "tap into" God and it wasn't working...and it was making me even more angry...but I suppose...I have to do it God's way :)

This has been a rant ramble....

Ranble or Rantble
Ramt
Rantle Ramtle ?

:)