Chapter One - Something is Radically Wrong

For those of you reading this (I suppose you've made it this far; Why not read the rest?) I want to make clear my intentions for creating such a post/blog. Currently, I find myself on a search for...well God...(there are only a few things worth searching for, and I just got done searching for love...so back to searching for God lol). It is far to lengthy a list to say all the things I've done wrong in my aspirations to be good or do good or understand the almighty or know Him in any affinity. Suffice it to say God is vast, and I do not believe His expectations of us to be anything less than we are able to grasp...in fact I do believe them to be quite distilled...some might even laugh at their simplicity calling them infantile.

My struggle at the moment is with the nature of God's grace, and through some good Christian counsel I have read the Ragamuffin Gospel, a rattling read for all the legalists out there, by Brennan Manning. For anyone trying to work their way into heaven..or whatever...(I'm not sure what I'm trying to do by being good to be honest.) it will come as no surprise that breaking that old pattern of thinking and those old ideas of God are difficult things to do. So what I am now doing is Re-reading/skimming the book, and following a chapter by chapter discussion/reflection guide in the back of the book. I find that it is important for me to get my words out there to process the information as well as I can, because reading can be...sifted through without meaning attached to the words...So I want to understand. That is the purpose for this and continuous other blogs that I will be writing. My hope is that if you read this:

1. You will be encouraged
2. God will be glorified
3. You may learn something of me or God, and we will walk this road together perhaps.

The reflection guide asked me to read aloud Matthew 9:9-13

As Jesus went on from there, He saw a man called Matthew, sitting in the tax collector’s booth; and He said to him, “Follow Me!” And he got up and followed Him.
 Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples.  When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, “Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?”  But when Jesus heard this, He said, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick.  But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire compassion, and not sacrifice,’ for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Compare or contrast the God you learned about in your formative years with the God incarnated in Jesus, who loves us as we are, not as we should be. 

Personally this passage blew me away. I remember reading it as a child, and being completely amazed at the line "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick." So sadly that didn't hit me as hard...just reminded me...but what I did find miraculous was in verse 13 where Jesus said, I desire compassion (mercy, in the greek: eleos) over sacrifice....There's something amazing there...My hardworking heart has for years tried my hardest to sacrifice and do good while passing judgement on people constantly. Much of my life I've been an elitist, and I still think in those ways sometimes...and I judge people...but God cares more about compassion...and mercy...than what we sacrifice...how hard we try....hmmm...it shatters some of my preconceptions of God right off the bat. 

Describe the Jesus of your present journey. How is He different from the God you grew up with?

Well to be honest I am conflicted...there is a mixture between the two...I'm learning about a Jesus who is wise and kind and caring...and that was a part of the Jesus I grew up with...Kind and caring if you tried your hardest to follow him...and denied yourself etc. ...but if you were luke-warm...you were cast out...

I don't believe that anymore... 
To be honest I'm not sure what I believe...If I really think about it...I think if God....knows that there is a desire in your heart...which he does...to know Him...he will bring it to fruition...but that is a very half-baked thought.